SnappyPants.Net

Were Paving It Just for You

So your from Jersey Ha. 

Lets see how much you fucken know!

Here is some facts

State slogan: Tempus Preventus Profundus 

(Time is what keeps everything from happening at once)*

So I grew up in jersey and I'm sure I was supposed to learn those facts in high school but here are a few facts that most people don't know. Especially if you lived in Hudson county.

did you know that you could cut school take the boulevard bus to Bayonne. then take the CNJ to point pleasant hang out on the boardwalk take a swim and go home for $10.00 with out your parents knowing.

I like New Jersey because, We put more politicians in jail where they belong than any other state.

Scroll down for some Jersey stories. 

But first our attorneys Stunuad, Stugats and Schmeil Not real attorneys they just look like them.  insisted on this

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And have a nice day.

New Jersey State Motos

Remember "New Jersey's Got It!? It made people fear they might get it too. 

It was replaced by the one that Gov. Kean made famous,   "New Jersey and You, Perfect Together." He said "puhfect," like he was from Massachusetts, but he got away with it because it was the 1980s and we didn't worry about anything then. 

Gov. Jim Florio's "New Jersey Works." that is until he put half the state out of work with his new TAXES Unfortunately, it didn't work for one-term Jim. 

New Jersey: What A Difference a State Makes." Another loser. What the hell difference does a state make? 

And now we're back to "New Jersey and You, Perfect Together." Good Lord, these people need help so here at snappypants we thought up some of our own.

New Jersey:  A 55-Gallon Drum of Fun

Have Your Next Affair in New Jersey

New Jersey:  You'll Get Used To It

New Jersey... Please Take Someone With You When You Leave

Welcome to New Jersey... Now go the fuck home!

New Jersey:  everyone around here talks the same way I do.

New Jersey:  Number 1 in Superfund Sites!

Click here for a list of Superfund Sites in Your Neighborhood!!

Follow the links for our views and stories or just scroll down Northern Jersey A BROOKDALE PARK DEDICATION Other Minor References Places to visit in New Jersey

NORTHERN NEW JERSEY ATTITUDE

"THE REAL STORY"

I just have to say a little bit about the world I grew up in! I come from a apart of Northern New Jersey, where only the bold and adventurous wish to travel and NO it is not TRENTON or CAMDEN we used to go there on vacation. To some, this may mean nothing , but to others who grew up there, it is like a common bond, you know...like how the guys in the service get toward one another. I must confess though, being raised in this environment really has had it's advantages! Ah Yes...I can remember as a young boy the block parties, friendly neighbors, fine deli shops, and riding my bike around the neighborhood unabashed by anything around me. Things were good then, partly because I didn't have to pay any bill's and partly because.....well...I didn't have to pay any BILL'S!! Dam ..I can remember spending hours on end playing in the park that was literally only a stone's throw from my home. But.. Yes.. of course someone" IN TRUE HUDSON COUNTY FASHION" got the bright idea that it would make a better place for the LOCAL HOUND'S and RAT'S to shit in for 20 or so years . I must admit , due to the over whelming amount of fertilization that was taking place there, it became the "TOWNSHIP GREEN BELT" and for some time increased the property value of our home . I attended a local school in the downtown area of this" INFAMOUS HUDSON COUNTY TOWN" you know the one....the school was brand new in the sixties, but they forgot to place air conditioning in the classrooms.....just the teachers areas...and to make matters worse they only placed windows on the east and west sides of the building to ensure pure summer heat stroke satisfaction!! You might say that this is were it all began. I received nothing but the highest in educational standards over the next 12 years of my life, and then was set free on the world!! However....there was one dreadful mistake....Through years of constant exposure to the local RIFF RAFF , SCANDALS , POLITICAL FAVORITISM , OVER DEVELOPMENT OF THE INFRASTRUCTURE, THE GENERAL CRUMBLING DECAY , GET RICH QUICK SCAMS, BOARDED UP HOMES, SHIT HEADS PEDDLING SHIT ON THE CORNERS , NO PARKING , THE ABILITY TO APPROPRIATELY LEARN THE FINE TECHNIQUE OF TOUCH PARKING , POTHOLE LADEN STREETS , 6 FIGURE SALARIES -" TO THOSE WHO CAN GET AWAY WITH IT ",and the ever present "

"I'M ITALIAN YOUR ITALIAN ..." YEAH " ...THAT'S OK MAN MENTALITY"

Well.. as you can well imagine, there was just no hope for your surrounding counties, who would usually produce your "average milk fed preppy" "dad may I take the beamer out tonight type person. Shit if their are any guys or girls out there that remember , cruising for chicks or guys in these tree lined suburbs was the highlight of a good weekend! Now  c'mon....how many of you out there can't honestly tell me that you don't remember receiving your "first sweat filled romp" with some girl named something like SAMANTHA or MINDY or a guy who wasn't named ANTHONY or NICK !! Hell I would venture to guess he or she was probably from the LYNDHURST or RUTHERFORD area. Hell I would go so far as to say that she or he was probably ITALIAN and her dad or his dad even had MOB CONNECTION'S!! Lord knows they always said they did!! C'mon , you bastards admit it... they were always better than the LISA'S or KAREN'S or John's and MIKES we were used too!! heheheh.....<---- I hope people know this is meant in fun!! Ok, Ok, Ok, how many of you would remember the infamous ( BROOKDALE PARK in CLIFTON or BLOOMFIELD) now that's were a guy or for that matter.. a girl could go and grab a sloppy.... umm.......ice cream.....from the dairy queen and cruise....AH YES SHEAR INNOCENCE!! CONDOMS AKIMBO!! Ok ...Ok... we'll get back to this later on ..now back to the attitude ! BUT FIRST :

A BROOKDALE PARK DEDICATION

So you see, we have been molded into a "Huge Gelatinous Mass" of "Hey Buddy Fuck You"... "NO Fuck You Pay Me" "Sorry Bout That"... " Yeah Right"... "I Don't Think So Bud".... "Jerk off That's My Parking Spot"..."She's a Cock Tease" ..." He's a Loser"... "How Much Did You Say We Can Make"..."Does Anybody Else Know About This"..."FUCK DAT"..."Her Dad's Connected"..."I Know For A Fact That Family Has Money They Just Leased A New Beamer And Just Moved Into A Beautiful 2 Bedroom Section "8" Apartment."..." How Much Did You Say You Make Again"... "I'D Hit That"..."I Have A ME TOO Car"..."I 'I'll Pop A Cap In Your Ass "..."She's Hot"... "I Did Her" "Yo Nimrod"...and of course , if your a true hard core HUDSON COUNTY PERSON LIKE MYSELF , THE EVER PRESENT..........."YEAH ...OK!!!!!! . You can easily see how are everyday existence here in North Jersey Truly makes us a unique type. We develop a strange way of thinking . Shit ..we even go so far as to group things into categories , No matter what it is!

FOR INSTANCE

When we talk about politics' ...no matter who they are, they are always..." A Bunch Of Thieving Bastards".

Little kids walking up the street..." Their probably the I'll' pricks that scratch everyone's car at night"!! It couldn't be the touch parking academy we all attended though now could it?

Ever Notice... When your in the left lane of a 3 lane highway , and the guy next to you wont let you cross over to get to the exit ramp He's the asshole !! Along with all the other Fucking Jerk offs blowing there horn's !! But then of course you reassure your passenger that the guy was breaking your balls since you got on the highway!!

Ever Notice...No matter how much you got taken for on your new car ...You always tell your friend " I got a Good Deal " or "I cant Complain , they Really Took Care Of Me!!" see story below

Ever Notice...How we all hate the bastards circling a mall parking lot, for the spot closest to the entrance. Then we say there lazy asshole's!

Ever Notice... If the person is tan with dark hair and he does something to piss you off. he's a jerk off spic!

Ever Notice... If your wife or girlfriend sees a woman dressed really sexy... all those girls are sluts!

Ever Notice... If we see someone having a beer outside on a warm summer day....Their WHITE TRASH!!

OTHER MINOR REFERENCES NOTICED

We all take it up the ass in paying ...TAXES , CAR INSURANCE , TOLL'S , The new WIDGET FEE added to the phone bill , And oh yes... special thanks and kudos' goes out to P.S.E.G for charging us that ENERGY TRANSPORTATION FEE so conveniently placed in your gas & electric bill ..but then again knowing new jersey they probably have inserted TOLLS on the gas pipeline!!!

Secretaries all die there hair.. Cop's are all cheating Bastard's Fireman are all sexy dude's Computer geek's now are in power Mailmen are all sick strange people who don't go out side after work Dancer's now make the best wives and mommies Car's now burn so clean, they filter the air for us and help the environment Gas guzzling S.U.V'S are the way to go!

As I sit and ponder these thoughts I realize that there truly is a difference in the way we live and spend our time around this great state. Some like to refer to the old joke...Hey you live in New Jersey ...What Exit? I for the most part tend to enjoy my rather strange and mystical surroundings

Places to Visit in Jersey 

Search for the sought after town of Midgetville  Midgetville was on River Road before the GWB. The houses were small and the stop signs small. They were cottages and still exist, although no midgets lived there. It was a rumor spread to keep people out of this exclusive area, even though we always wound up there at 3am after a drunken night.

THE EDGEWATER-FAIRVIEW TUNNELS One of the great lost passageways of New Jersey, the Edgewater Tunnel stretches from Fairview to Edgewater, under houses, a cemetery and other structures. This was at one time the railway for the Susquehanna & Western Railroad company, but was abandoned many years ago.

Visit The Egg-O-Mat Until recently, one of New Jersey’s most unusual roadside oddities could be found on Mountain Blvd. in the town of Warren. It was the Egg-O-Mat: A 24-hour vending machine offering "Eggs of Distinction." Now, a mere shell of its former self, the self-service egg dispenser is remembered fondly by local residents who used to travel to the unique device at all hours of the day or night for fresh eggs.

THE ROUTE 23 MYSTERY POLES:   The first pole art piece appeared around 1994 along the southbound lane of Rt. 23 near Smoke Rise, Kinnelon. A plastic pumpkin sat atop a 30 ft. utility pole, grinning to passers-by. Slowly other characters began showing up atop the poles along that stretch road; a chicken, a bowling pin, a two foot tall beer bottle, a mail box, a rabbit, a flamingo, and a bright pink pig, were all perched on consecutive low voltage telephone poles. Nobody seems to know who was placing them there though, making their strange appearance even more perplexing to the local residents. As if this wasn’t brazen enough, whoever is responsible has more recently been decorating the poles in a much more highly visible area of Route 23, near Canistear Road. Yes, just as the Kinnelon grouping of pole ornaments began to fade due to weathering, their mysterious mounter surprised everyone by starting a whole new group a few miles farther north, on the poles that border the Oak Ridge Reservoir. Now West Milford residents are feeling the draw of the pole art, where a metal whale and a plastic cat were the first in what would soon be a long line of roadside attractions. Soon to follow; a witch, a gnome, a rubber chicken, Big Bird, a Mutant Ninja Turtle, a snowman, a ball and chain, Mr. Peanut, an alien, and the list goes on and on

THE SHIRTWOOD FOREST In Brick, and on the other side of this small town is a patch of woods right by a swamp. During the month of October I have ventured there many times and I always find the same weird thing. On October 17th there were 17 white dress shirts hanging 20 feet high in the trees. We went on the 29th of October and guess what? Yes, there were 29 shirts hanging on the trees along with a strange bird with it’s neck snappped laying at the bottom of the trees. Today is the 31st and I wonder what’s gonna happen next?

Visit The Jet In The Woods in a patch of woods off Macopin Road. at the edge of a swampy marsh area. a jet that had crashed, and broken into pieces. All of the gauges were out of the jet, but the cockpit was still intact. The wings were broken off and the tail was some 55 yards away. The strange part was that the trees were all grown up around it. Everyone I spoke to after that said that they had never heard of the jet in the woods. Now that's weird in New Jersey.

Visit The Devils Tee according to the locals, who told us of the legend, everyone in the vicinity of Bernards Township seems to have a story about it. We were told that at one time a farmer killed his entire family, then went to the tree to hang himself. According to others numerous suicides and murders occurred around the tree.  Supposedly anyone who tries to cut down the unholy arbor comes to an untimely end, as it is now cursed. It is said that the souls of those killed at the spot give the tree an unnatural warmth, and even in the dead of winter no snow will fall around it.

ALBINO VILLAGE  By the early 1960s, all that was left was the entry tunnel and a few shacks." The legend of Albino Village dates back to the early 1900s. The original settlement was called Frogtown because of it's location on the Passaic River, and as one home owner claims, was once a colony comprised of pigment impaired individuals. Today the site, located in Clifton, has evolved the way most of these places eventually do; upscale and unassuming.

The Stone Living Room Perched high above the border of West Milford and Bloomingdale, one can relax and enjoy the view from the Stone Living Room, the creation of a mysterious race of stone masons that remain anonymous to this day. When and why these stone chairs and tables were built, we can not say for sure. Some of the rocks weigh in excess of 400 pounds and must have been and lifted and set in place with an incredible determination. Complete with a fireplace and a few couches, the Stone Living Room can accommodate two dozen or more weary travelers after their one mile climb up the mountain.

NJ’s Nike Missile Bases:  The Cold War Fought Right in Your Own Back Yard.  It might surprise a lot of New Jerseyans today to know that during the Cold War many of our sleepy suburban communities played a crucial strategic role in America's last line of defense. During the 1960s and 70s, when tensions between the U.S. and U.S.S.R. were at their peak, Nike Missile Bases dotted the Garden State landscape. The bases, which were located in Middletown, Old Bridge, S. Plainfield, Livingston, East Hanover, Wayne, and Mahwah. The missiles, some with nuclear warheads, would be guided by radar, and were designed to intercept and destroy incoming Soviet air squadrons  these weapons stood ever vigilant, on their launch pads, or in underground bunkers, sometimes just yards away from unsuspecting residential neighborhoods. While in operation these government installations were heavily guarded and completely off limits to the public.

Thanks To Weird N.J. Visit their site for more exciting Road Trips.