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Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop it forever! Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the Constitution (which, itself, is being modified in order to accommodate THE FUTURE).

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...again, Hi!...It's me again, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... follow me up the steps Right past the fuming incense stencher and we will begin our unholy tumble into rank and seedy debauchery.

Send your secret information and hot news items to: THE CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER  

I  will include it here With Full Statistical Density

When you need some product or service or have an emergency then it's PAY ME !!!!  

We at Snappypants Know of the frustration and helplessness you my feel. So we decide to get even So here are a few of companies that put MONEY and the BOTTOM LINE before you and anything else!!! 

Welcome to the 

FUCK YOU Pay Me!!!

hall of SHAME!!!

the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S air conditioner stopped working on the pickup so I sent it back to the dealer for service. I told them that there was a bad hose off the compressor. ( The hose was covered with refrigerant oil at the crimp to the fitting on the high pressure side a very obvious problem even to the non mechanically inclined). I received the truck back 2 days later and was told that it was just "LOW ON FREON" of course since FREON does not evaporate, go bad, or get consumed by the system I thought this explanation pure BULLSHIT!!! and preceded to tell them again about the hose and was told that there was no problem found with the system. The next day the air conditioner stopped working. Guess Why NO FREON yes folks somehow the FREON escaped the confinement of my air conditioning system. I looked for gremlins playing a joke on me or some kids but could find none. So I returned the truck to the dealer the next day and was told then that they found a bad hose!!! Imagine that!! Amazingly enough it was the hose that I told them about. I was also told that the hose was back ordered and would be 2-4 weeks. I asked them for the part number of the hose and that I would see if I could get it. I called my friends at MEADOWLAND FORD and was told that they had the hose. I then called back the service manager at Kaytes Ford and told him that I had the hose and he could send some one down to MEADOWLAND FORD to pick it up. I was told by the service manager at Kaytes Ford that they do not do business with MEADOWLAND FORD and would not get the part from them to fix my truck.  I would basically have to wait until they got the part if I wanted to get it fixed because they were not going to pay for the part at MEADOWLAND FORD.  I brought my truck to MEADOWLAND FORD to be repaired and even though I did not buy my truck there they fixed the problem with my air conditioning and I am happy to say still works fine to this day. 

WELL I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE AT KAYTES FORD FOR GOING THAT EXTRA MILE FOR CUSTOMER SATISFACTION!!! YES YOU GUYS REALLY REALLY SUCK!!!

 that's probably why they are RT23 Automall now. 

IF YOUR LOOKING TO BUY A TRUCK OR NEED SERVICE OR PARTS GO TO MEADOWLAND FORD FIRST!!! 

THANKS AGAIN GUYS.

The CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER bought his gas grill from them. You would think after paying $2100 for the grill they would at least throw in the vinyl cover but NOOO!! They were nice enough to charge me $10.00 under list price though. I then asked about the price of the side burners for the grill and was told they were around $750.00 so a month later I decided to order the side burners because I was going to have a party in 2 weeks only now they were $850.00 and had to be special ordered. 3 days later they came in. I picked the box up and went home only to discover that the burner unit was slightly damaged in the shipping process of course this was not a big problem and would not have affected the operation of the burners it was only cosmetic. But after spending $850.00 plus tax you know damm straight that the unit had better be perfect. So I brought it back to get a new one.  Two days later I was told that it would be at least 2-3 weeks to get a replacement unit. Now I had a party planed in 3 days and asked if they would take off some money for the damage. I was told they could not do that they could only return it.  But they will check with their supplier to see if he can do something about getting you a new unit. 2 days later I call to find out that there supplier never called them back. So I returned the side burner assembly and got my money back. I cooked on my stove in my house.. Although they did try to find me another burner unit they could have taken a few bucks off the price and I would have been happy and they would have made a nice sale. 

So we would like to Thank Max is Back for keeping Profit above all else!!!

The Central Scrutinizer Visits the car dealer

Let me begin by saying that going to the car dealer to buy a new car is like going to the dentist you know you have to go eventually but you put it off until the absolute last moment. So begins my car buying story. My old car has 135000 miles on it but there is no body damage. The interior is clean and it has 4 new tires. OH did i mention that the trans is going and the unibody frame is rusting through from the inside out? So now it's time to go car shopping. I decide I need a pickup truck. So I begin my day by putting on my best ripped and oil stained jeans, my oily work boots and a sweat shirt that has paint and oil stains on it because I wanted to look and feel my best for the car shopping experience. Oh did I tell you that I live in New Jersey. So I go to the car dealer in town and I look at the pickup trucks. Of course seeing the way I am dressed no salesman has come over to help me so after about 45 minutes of looking at every truck on the lot I pick the truck I want to buy. I now go inside and have to find a salesman. There is a hot looking receptionist who promptly runs away. I walk up to a salesman who is now looking at his shoes and say 

SC: Central Scrutinizer
CS: Car Salesman

SC: I wanna buy a new truck. 

CS: Are your sure 

SC: Yea I guess so why? 

CS: Well they are pretty expensive don't you think one of our QUALITY USED TRUCKS would be more in your price range? 

I have to stop here. How can you even say Quality Used Trucks in the same sentence and keep a straight face? Here is the Scrutinizer translation for Quality Used Truck. The guy who traded this truck in only used it for one season. Yea Right he used it to plowed 89 feet of snow that season. No that MUD is from our lot. This truck was never taken off road. Yea and the quad shocks and monster tires is for jumping over the gravel on the driveway Right?  Yes the mileage is correct its only 12456 Miles. Yea that is after we rolled back 60000 miles. No the engine is supposed to sound like that. That's because we put gear oil in it to hide the bearing knock. Sometimes the paint fades a little. OH not because it was in an accident and you only had some of it repainted. There's plenty of life left in this truck.  Yea after I replace the Engine, Transmission, Seats and Tires.

SC: No I don't want to buy some friggen headache that was in a flood down south or was made from 2 different trucks glued together and then re titled 8 times in 6 different states. I want that truck there 

CS: Ok you know that truck is $23,000.00 

SC: Yea So? How much do you want for it?

I have to tell you that the sticker price in New Jersey is only what foreigner's, people from New York or women who decide that sleeping with the Bonehead Empty Suit Liar oh I mean Salesman to try to get a better deal is not such a good Idea Actually Pay.

CS: Well what do you want to pay for it? 

SC: Now that's a stupid question. I don't want to pay anything for it so why don't you just take my old car (Jalopy) and give me the keys to the truck and we'll call it even. 

CS: Oh your not SERIOUS about buying a truck!! 

SC: Tell you what how about $17.000? 

CS: Well how much are you going to put down? 

SC: Nothing. 

CS: Nothing? Oh come on now your not serious!! 

SC: I have a trade (you remember the jalopy) 

CS: ok where is it  

SC: Outside  

CS: ok I will get my MANAGER and let you know what we can do. 

SC: now I am thinking to my self well what the fuck am I talking to you for?

After a few minutes of the salesman and manager talking out side probably about the giants game because they really didn't look at the car at all. They both come back in to tag team me.

CS: Ok what will it take for you to by the truck today? 

SC: sell it to me for $17,000.00 and my trade 

CS: well the best we can do is take your car off your hands. We can't sell it.  The best we can do is $500.00 on the trade. Now how much are you going to be putting down? 

SC: Nothing, Just the trade ( Since the best you can do is $500 I guess I won't tell you about the bad trans and rusted frame rails )

CS: Lets be serious now you will have to put at least 10% down for us to get financing for you. You know the payment are going to be around $450.00 per month can you afford that high of a payment.  

SC: Well I don't Know. Why don't you call my bank and ask them? 

CS: What do you mean?  

SC:  I called my bank before I left to go shopping and they said they would finance the truck for me. So do we have a deal or not?. 

Now the Salesman an Manager have a brief huddle not knowing whether or not to believe me. They figure Yea check this out this Rube. They return a short time later and say Ok here's the deal We will sell you the truck for $17,500 + $500.00 for your trade for a total of $17.000.00 + lic fees, reg fees , tax, etc. 

SC: Ok  Deal

I now take out my check book a begin to write them a check.

CS: AHHH What are you doing?  

SC: What do you mean? I'm going to write you a check just let me know the total. Here is my insurance agent's number he will fax you over the insurance binder.

Now a look of panic comes over there faces. Because they realize that I just Fucked them over on this deal and that I actually had the money and I wasn't the Rube they though and now had to sell me the truck for less than they paid for it.  Now they start hemming an hawing about the deal.

CS: Well why don't you let us do a 3 line TRW. 

SC: Why what for?  

CS: Well you know maybe you can finance it with us.

SC: to him self ( OHHHH ok since I got over on you for the truck you think you will make it up on the financing)  SC: Yea ok

About 10 Min later the car salesman, manager and General manager come out. 

CS: Oh Were Sorry MR. Scrutinizer we didn't realize 

SC: to myelf ( Realize? REALIZE WHAT? that you're all EMPTY SUIT LOW LIFE SLEAZE NIMRODS? OR that you just got Played by some Schmoe from Hudson County? ) 

CS: We will match any offer your bank gave you. YOU KNOW were not making any money off this sale. Here is our invoice you are buying it for $200.00 less than we paid. You know we really shouldn't have made you this deal at all. But I guess we have to honor it.  

SC: to myself ( YEA YEA.  IT SUCKS TO BE YOU ) 

SC: Yea ok. 

CS: You know this is an unbelievable deal I didn't notice the factory bed liner that should be another $500. 

SC: Yea Yea where do I sign?

You know it took me another hour to get out of there. a total of 3.5 hours

So the moral of this story is get your financing before you shop for a car. dress like a slob go to a dealer in an affluent town, Fuck with them for an hour or so to get the best price. and then be happy in knowing that for one time in your life you finally got to fuck the car dealer back after all the times they stuck it up your ass!! Oh by the way don't get your car serviced at the same dealer unless they also fear you.

P.S. When I picked up the truck I was still in jeans and a sweat shirt but this time I pulled up in front of the hot receptionist in my white BMW M3. This time she was following me around instead of running away I wonder why?