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Brat Wrapz
 

The Porsche Girl

Way back when a long time ago Snappy, Squid and I would work on the trucks in front of Fortress 502 (Snappys old home base of operations). Every weekend with out fail if we were there Porsche Girl would be out posing and washing the car.  Always in 5" heels, miniskirt a small top.  Of course this lead to many minor fender benders in front of her house as the passers buy would strain their necks to see if in fact she had any panties on!  When ever anyone passing by would say anything to her she would just say Fuck you Asshole. Now since we were up the block and could not see her if she was washing the other side of the car she would turn the car around in the driveway so we would always have the best view.  To this day I still fondly remember dropping a 300lb drive shaft on myself under Snappys truck while watching her wash the car in thigh high boots, a leather mini skirt and jacket in October. So here's to you Porsche Girl where ever you are Thanks for all the memories!!!

Moshies second time around 

Quality Used Merchandise At Really Cheap Prices!

Never pay department store prices again! Our full-color catalog features dozens of used items, all at 50% or less than their original retail prices!

Thousands of individuals are abducted by extraterrestrial beings each year.

Who do the aliens choose, and why haven't they chosen you?

The fact of the matter is that most people will probably never have the opportunity to be abducted by aliens. And even those elite few who are selected for abduction receive no assurances that they will fully remember their experience--much less a guarantee that their abduction will be everything that they hoped it would be.

So why wait? The highly trained and professional staff at Alien Abductions Incorporated can provide you with personalized, realistic memories of the alien abduction and Anal Probing that you have been waiting for your entire life?

When you choose an AAI Abduction Experience our doctors, hypnotists, and memory implant technicians work with you in pre-abduction orientation sessions to customize one of our hundreds of stock abductions to suit your personal taste. You can even pick one of our fetishist's specials--interspecies breeding, medical experimentation anal probing --it's all up to you. 

Once your Abduction Experience has been implanted, we offer a wide range of add-on options, from the 24/7 Surveillance Special (to give you that added edge of real-life paranoia) to our exclusive Evidence Kit, which contains items specially selected to heighten your Experience. We even offer a low cost course of deprogramming, medication, and therapy that is available to any of our customers who may choose to discontinue their Experience.

WHETHER YOUR INTEREST IS CULTURAL, SCIENTIFIC, OR SENSUAL
Alien Abductions Incorporated can provide you with memories of an experience guaranteed to be unlike any other available on this planet!

Alien Abductions Incorporated is not Affiliated with Total Recall.

The new Jillette MACH9 (TM) takes shaving into the next century. It has nine face hugging Sharp Teeth blades to shave you up to nine times closer than conventional single and dual blade systems.

Developed in our top secret American labs using the latest space-age technology, the system takes the shaving experience to a level never dreamed of before. The razor head utilizes nine micro thin solid platinum blade Teeth each individually balanced. So what's the cost? Well, technology this advanced doesn't come cheap, but we're willing to bet that $999.95 for the razor including two spare heads is a small price to pay for - the best shave ever.

1-800-CALL-CUT
 

Other collect-call services save money for the person you're calling, but what's in it for you? Wouldn't you like to use a call service that puts money in your pocket for a change? That's why we started 1-800-CALL-CUT -- so you can get your cut from all the calls you make. Here's how it works. Whenever you make a collect call using 1-800-CALL-CUT, we charge the person you're calling fifty cents a minute. Sure, that's expensive, but what do you care? You're not paying for it! Here's the best part: out of that fifty cents, we pay you fifteen cents. Fifteen whole cents a minute! That's probably more than you make at your job, considering you can't even cover your own damn phone calls. So go ahead and make those calls! Call your mom! Tell her about your day! In exhaustive detail! Call old college friends! Call random people from the yellow pages! Some of them are sure to be bored or curious enough to take a collect call, and that means money for you! Whatever you do, call call call! 1-800-CALL-CUT: Make Money Talk -- To You!

The CIA Health Plan
 

Well, Castro, El Hombre Con El Cigarro, El Red Grande*, has hit the big seven-one. He's officially an old, old dictator. The irony here is that the CIA has, over the last few decades, hatched enough plans to assassinate this guy to evoke a tax-funded Wile E. Coyote.

Is this coincidence? Or could it be that being hunted by the CIA is actually good for your health? Well, if you've tried fiber, oat bran, vegetarianism, Power Bars and Jazzercize, chances are you'll try anything. So, The Brunching Shuttlecocks ("Comedy With a 'Runch'") in collaboration with the Central Intelligence Agency ("Denying This Slogan Since 1947"), present:

The CIA Health Plan

$19.95/month - Surveillance For Your Health
The CIA will keep you under constant surveillance, with particular attention paid to your heart rate and apparent blood pressure. In forty years, when these documents are de-classified, you can obtain them under the Freedom of Information Act and use the data to formulate an exercise and diet plan.

$35.95/month - Insurrection: The Secret to Longevity
At this level, not only will the CIA monitor you as above, they will also wage a long-term plan to turn your friends and family against you. Eventually, with nobody around to invite you for a drink or to a fat-filled Thanksgiving dinner, your health will flourish.

$199.95/month - Extreme Prejudice For Life
This is the one you've been waiting for. For this reasonable price, the Central Intelligence Agency will devote an entire division to having you thrown from power, run out of the country by your neighbors, and/or killed. And, as experience shows, this will inevitably result in you having a long and prosperous life.

The CIA Health Plan: Because Your Health Shouldn't Be Foreign Intelligence.

*Yes, I know this is Spanish for "The Big Net." Work with me.